Review - Paul Blart: Mall Cop
Well goodness, if that don't just punch you in the guts! If you are an aspiring screenplay writer then you must truly curse both heaven and hell when you watch this. Whilst your masterpiece is sitting languishing on your ibook or whatever they are still making crap like this. The most predictable, boring and downright awful piece of *ahem* cinema, to grace the screen in a long time. Purported to be a comedy (although I didn't see anyone laughing) it is very difficult to sit through, even my dog got bored and he has the intelligence of a milk carton (I still love him though, the dog that is).
Anyway, Kevin James stars as Paul Blart, a mall security guard and then something happens and bad guys come along all of whom are EXTREME to the max or something, (admittedly they do some pretty cool shit) and then he turns from a wheezy slob with a porno moustache into some kind of half competent UFC cage fighter, (still with a porn star moustache) sorry I meant jelly wrestler. Anyway a bunch of stuff happens, none of it interesting or in the least bit engaging. Oh yeah, there is a small bit of product placement by the makers of Rock Band, which is supposed to be hilarious - apparently. So what do we have -
1. A fat guy - Well that's funny.
2. An incompetent, fat guy - Funnier
3. A fat guy with diabetes - Ding, ding, ding. Jackpot of humour......
In case you couldn't tell I was being sarcastic. You know I was willing to forgive Adam Sandler for Little Nicky, The Waterboy, Mr Deeds, The Longest Yard and yeah even Bid Daddy (No one can forgive him for You Don't Mess with the Zohan). Sadly, now for Mr Sandler all bets are off after I watched his name with a producer credit scroll by. Really Mr Sandler? You invested money into this film? Thanks a lot buddy. It'll be easier next time if you just send me a pair of blunt pliers so I can tear my skin off piece by piece.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop - I hate you.
Anyway, Kevin James stars as Paul Blart, a mall security guard and then something happens and bad guys come along all of whom are EXTREME to the max or something, (admittedly they do some pretty cool shit) and then he turns from a wheezy slob with a porno moustache into some kind of half competent UFC cage fighter, (still with a porn star moustache) sorry I meant jelly wrestler. Anyway a bunch of stuff happens, none of it interesting or in the least bit engaging. Oh yeah, there is a small bit of product placement by the makers of Rock Band, which is supposed to be hilarious - apparently. So what do we have -
1. A fat guy - Well that's funny.
2. An incompetent, fat guy - Funnier
3. A fat guy with diabetes - Ding, ding, ding. Jackpot of humour......
In case you couldn't tell I was being sarcastic. You know I was willing to forgive Adam Sandler for Little Nicky, The Waterboy, Mr Deeds, The Longest Yard and yeah even Bid Daddy (No one can forgive him for You Don't Mess with the Zohan). Sadly, now for Mr Sandler all bets are off after I watched his name with a producer credit scroll by. Really Mr Sandler? You invested money into this film? Thanks a lot buddy. It'll be easier next time if you just send me a pair of blunt pliers so I can tear my skin off piece by piece.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop - I hate you.
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